Red Alert
by OMFG-Roach
Summary: Chad decides to make the most of his alone time...T for themes and language; Channy.


A/N: So, I'm sitting here at my computer and I'm thinking, "Wouldn't be funny if Chad played 'Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3' for the PC?"

The truth of the matter is…it would be _hilarious, _not to mention interesting.

Also, speaking of "C&C: RA3," if you want to play me over multiplayer, my username is BrotherFenrir and I usually hang out at the Casual 3 lobby.

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own anything but the plot and a copy of "C&C: RA3" for the PC.

Chad was bored, spinning around in his office chair, making two full rotations before stopping due to the fact that the room suddenly was no longer stationary. Well, to be more frank, he wasn't really bored per se…

Oh, who the hell was he kidding, really; it was 8:04 PM on a Saturday night, and all his cast-mates were out getting their livers poisoned (willingly, he noted with dark humor) at that snazzy new nightclub that he, coincidentally, wasn't invited to. God forbid that he ever found out what those damned "_Randoms" _were up to…come to think of it, he actually believed that those bloody bastards had planned this all along, what with him not being invited to the aforementioned snazzy nightclub and all.

Of course, he _could_ call Sonny's cell phone, just to taunt her…he decided against such an action. First off, she could be on a date with some brainless jerk, and while he felt his jealousy rise at the thought could be with another boy other than him, he knew she was a free-thinking person and could think for herself…plus, he didn't want to call her when she was…he left that thought go unfinished, as it should have been. That would be _awkward._

So, he decided, might as well make the best of his alone time. He pressed a knuckle to "Iron Wolf's" power button, grabbed his headphones, plugged them in, reached over to snatch up his copy of "Red Alert 3," and he was going to rock the multiplayer. Besides, he wasn't ranked in the top 10 for nothing, now, was he?

"Iron Wolf" hummed to life, happily growling with eagerness. It came alive, whirring and howling, as it booted up the game Chad loved to play on Saturday nights like this.

To hell with the snazzy new nightclub; he was going to flex his tactical muscles tonight.

~*~

It was after "Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel" logged in to the lobby that Sonny felt that she was going to have a fun night. Time to vent her frustrations without killing anybody, she mused, and what frustrations she had indeed.

Her date for tonight called saying that he cancelled, saying that he wanted to go to that snazzy new nightclub that just opened. Free drinks, he told her, were worth more than spending time with a Wisconsinite brunette beauty on such a lovely night. He noted that he really wanted to go out with her tonight, but his liver had served him well all these years and he was going to send it off with a few rounds of very strong whiskey.

Worse still, her entire cast was at that nightclub, too, getting their livers suitably plagued (all, she thankfully reprimanded herself, save Zora, who was too young to drink, thank God).

So, would she take the poor chap on or would she ignore him?

Well, she decided, she needed to vent her frustrations…

~*~

"Sunbeam" wanted to play, hm? Chad briefly felt sorry for the unlucky sap that had to name themselves as such. What self-respecting "RA3" player would go around as a happy ray of daylight, anyway? It was just _wrong._

Anyway, a challenge was a challenge, and Chad Dylan Cooper never backed down from challenges.

He never had, nor was he planning to, not this time.

He grinned maniacally.

_Let the games begin; it's show time!_

~*~

It was about half an hour after Sonny won the match. It was brutal, yes, but she expected no less of one of the top-ranked players currently playing "RA3." It was fun, heart-pounding, and above all, a good vent. She saved the replay, and thanked whatever deity there truly was (she was a Catholic, but she wasn't as devout as some) for this match being unranked. It counted as a win, yes, but she didn't go up a rank at the cost of knocking some poor, hard-working chap off the leader-boards.

Of course, the poor fellow had a remarkably odd name…"Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel?"

Who in their…she paused. Wait just a moment; was "Mack" who she thought they were?

She suddenly connected dots in her brain, mind racing towards conclusions. No, it couldn't have been! Not in her lifetime, oh no!

She couldn't help but giggle hysterically, then those giggles turned to chuckles, then chuckles to full blown guffaws.

She did _not_ just play an unranked multiplayer "RA3" match with Chad bloody Dylan Cooper!

Composing herself, she quickly scanned the lobby's list, hoping Chad hadn't left in despair.

~*~

Chad sighed, a bit disappointed. While he was thankful the match was unranked, he couldn't have helped himself from thinking that he made too many mistakes.

Suddenly, his ComStar opened up, showing that he had a friend invite…

From none other than "Sunbeam" themselves. He smiled at the irony that the victor wanted to be friends with him.

Well, he could use one more, he thought, it wouldn't really _kill_ him now, would it?

Then, of course, there was the private chat…

~*~

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **Good match, Sun.

_Sunbeam: _Why, thanks, Chad.

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **Wait…how the…?! WHO ARE YOU!

_Sunbeam: _It's me, Sonny.

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **…O_0TT

_Sunbeam: _?

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **OH MAH GAWD I DID NOT JUST LOSE TO A RANDOM!

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **This is so humiliating…thank GOD the match was unranked…

_Sunbeam: _Piece of advice for ya.

_Sunbeam:_ Don't spam PK's when a few Mirages can do the job better.

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **Well excuuuuuuuuuuuse me princess!

_Sunbeam:_ Whatev. You doin' anything next Saturday?

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **No…why?

_Sunbeam: _Just wondering if you wanted to go out somewhere. Get some fresh air, y'know?

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **8:00 PM Arcade Arcadia?

_Sunbeam: _You know it.

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **Done.

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **Also, you wanna watch "Serenity" with me? Have it on Blu-Ray.

_Sunbeam: _Oh, yes! Yes please! :D

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **I'll pick you up at 7:20-ish. That sounds good, right?

_Sunbeam: _I'll call you when I'm ready, ok?

**Mack_The_Delicious_Barrel: **Fine with me. I won't be late.

~~*~~

A/N: …Aaaaaaaaaaaaand that's all she wrote, folks. Thanks for reading!

Also, not to be pushy or anything…

But y'all _do_ see that green button down there, right? Do me a favor and _push it hard, _gorramit! (Yes, I _am_ a fan of "Firefly." I know, it adds to my awesomeness.)

Reviews make me happy. I know this is the first time I'm asking you, but please make my day!


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